The pain of darkness
by Misusedghost1998
Summary: BRITTANA HOGWARTS FIC! life isn't easy being a death eater. Santana Lopez found that out a long time ago. But things make it worse when you have to deal with a confused girlfriend and keeping your secret between you and Draco malfoy, all whilst attending to the dark lords wishes. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

No one understands what it's like to be a slytherin. When your sorted into slytherin its not a choice, its just how things turn out. Its never our faults. We all get the reputation of being evil and hateful just because of the house some stupid hat sorts us into. But I suppose most of us are.

People in slytherin always have that bit of evilness in them, weather it's personal or family inherited. I guess I'm both. Were supposed to dislike everyone at this school besides our own house. We have these expected rules thrown upon us at Hogwarts. Slytherins aren't allowed to socialize with gryffindor. We're not supposed to talk with ravenclaw. And most definitely, were not supposed to have anything to do with hufflepuff.

I've always lived a very dark life, with my father being a death eater and everything. I was born and raised into evilness. I spent the majority of my childhood at meetings of us death eaters. That's when I met one of my closest friends Draco malfoy. His family is as dark as mine as well. His father is a death eater like mine and our mother's are close friends. Even before Hogwarts, we practiced magic together being taught by his slightly older aunt Bellatrix. how shes his aunt i dont know, shes only 6 years older than us. When i first met her, she had only just became a death eater and now she's rather like my aunt too. But then we started Hogwarts and heard nothing of her but newspaper articles.

If Hogwarts knew our little secret imprinted on our left forearms, we'd never have been allowed into the school. The school threw so many problems my way. Starting with the separation from my all time best friend at the time.

Her name is Brittany. We met as 4 year-olds at one of the ministers parties. Her family had no clue how dark mine was, and either did I at the time, so we naturally became best of friends. We've been inseparable ever since.

I still remember the exact way we met. It's one of the happiest memories I still have left. I was at the party of the minister's at a large magical house what's name I can't rember. I was sitting at the bottom of a flight of stares, alone, and playing with a small cat I'd found. I had grew bored of being trophied around by my mother listing to her boast about how great of a slytherin I will be one day so had decided to sneak away. The fluffy Ginger cat was just beginning to claw through my tights when I heard a young voice calling in my direction, standing directly before me.

_"You found tubbs! I've been looking for him everywhere! He's my sisters cat!" The blonde girl infront of me explained, approaching me to sit besides me on the step, peeling the cats claws from my clothing and pulling him into her own lap._

The girl was about my age. Maybe a few months between us. She had long, straight blonde hair hanging over her shoulders and I found it really pretty even at that age. She was a really pretty girl anyway, I noticed that as soon as I laid eyes on her. She had really nice baby blue eyes that shone up at me in the light when they met with mine.

_"Hey, I'm Brittany" she introduced, offering her well pampered hand out for me to take. I shook it gingerly, not quite knowing why this girl was talking to me, no one ever seems to talk to me._

_"S-santana" I stammered, shaking her hand up and down with a weak grip. Her hands were so soft._

_"Santana" Brittany considered for a moment, thinking about the strange name she'd never heard before and releasing her exaggerated grip in my hand. "...that's a really pretty name"_

_"Thanks" I smiled, looking to the ground nervously as a I felt heat spread through my face_. No one ever compliments me either.

_"No problem, it's true. Anyway, why are you sitting all here alone with my cat?" Brittany asked, shuffling closer to me on the step and raising my arm to link her own through._ She's always been a little forward.

_"I guess I was bored" I shrugged, feeling my arm stiffen at her touch_. It felt good from such a good age.

_"Well you won't be bored anymore, me and tubbs always know how to have fun!" Brittany exclaimed, jumping to her feet and pulling me up with her, the cat jumping from her lap with us. _

_She pulled me upstairs and we explored the many rooms the building had to offer, messing around and giggling with eachother as we played with whatever we found. _Brittany has always been able to bring some happiness into my depressing life and she still does that perfectly. Brittany has been my best friend since then, and now she's turned to so much more.

6 years ago we started Hogwarts together. I still remember the excitement I had walking through the great hall as a innocent little first year with my pinkie linked with brittanys. But the excitement soon faded when, like I already knew, me and Draco were placed in slytherin but Brittany unexpectedly landed herself in hufflepuff. The loser of houses.

As much as I begged and threatened the hat to move Brittany to slytherin, it never gave into me. We were stuck in separate sections of the castle. But even that couldn't keep us away from eachother. On the first day we traded common room passwords so we never had to sleep alone again. We were welcomed into each others houses with open arms being as no one hated anyone back as innocent first years. Now I only get my way into the hufflepuff common room by the fact that all of them, besides Brittany and Quinn, are scared of me.

I still don't like what I am. But me and Draco have to get through this. We were born to be evil and evil is all we are. But Brittany can never know that. Even with five years of being at Hogwarts together, she still hasn't picked up on the signals.

It pains me to lie to my girlfriend. Brittany deserves the truth from me. But if she knew the pure darkness swimming through my veins, she would run a mile. She's only been my girlfriend for six months, even though we always hooked up since first year just for fun. But it's not fair that someone as evil and dark as me is so madly in love with someone as innocent and sweet as Brittany knowing someday, she has to find out. Isn't it slightly obvious that I never reveal my arms to her? We're both 16 years old and madly in love yet she's never seen me unclothed.

I hate looking at my body. The scars and marks all remind me that I'm created for evil. Standing here naked infront if the mirror in the private prefects bathroom makes me feel sick. My dark mark stands out so clearly from my caramel skin. I wish I could just amputate my left arm. The only decent thing on my left arm is the tattoo inked across the flat of my wrist, right over my veins. No one knows what it says apart from me and the fat ugly muggle who gave it me. Bellatrix took me to get it in London during the Christmas holidays. Even she doesn't know what it says. That's for me and me only. It says, in muggle Chinese, the simple word 'brittany.' what more could I wish it to say. It's the only decent inch of my body besides my rambunctious twins that brittanys so dying to get her hands on but never allowed. The rest of me was bred for darkness, making such a young girl like me, detest her own life. All I have to live for is Brittany.

If only I didn't have the disgusting dark mark on my forearm, I'd be the happiest girl alive. I'm head girl for slytherin with Draco, my best guy friend, as head boy. I'm feared throughout the school. I'm one of the best beaters Hogwarts has ever seen and head of the slytherin house team. I have the most beautiful and amazing girlfriend I could ask for and I'm madly in love. But love is the only thing keeping me alive.

Tomorrow is the beginning of my last year at this school so it's a big day for us prefects. I've gotta show those goddamned first years around, then I've got a quiddich match against hufflepuff followed by the after party were once again, just as things get heated, I will have to stop Brittany from ripping my shirt open, again.

Once again my eyes were drawn to the bulging mark on my arm and I threw my robe around my body in disgust, reaching for my wand atop of my pile of clothes and pointed it directly at the vile reflection in the mirror.

"_Confringo_!" I screamed, jumping back and watching as the mirror blasted into flames before me. I stood in tears, watching as my reflection crippled and burnt, getting the treatment it deserves. Good job only Brittany and Draco know the password for this place. I changed it myself by jinxing the painting guarding the bathroom.

I dropped to the floor and sat balled into a shivering fetus position as I continued to watch the mirror burn and flicker in it's prison of flames, crying silently to myself. I know the exact spell to put out the fire but what's the point. My reflection is getting what it deserves.

"_Avis_" I heard being mumbled by a all to familiar voice fron the doorway, soon followed by the peacefully chirping of birds as Brittany approached me in the burning mirror, crouching besides me and wrapping a warm towel around my quivering shoulders before I fell weakly against her body to cry. Her protective and strong arms comforted me slightly. The way her hand rubbed up and down my back and tangled itself in my wet and messy hair comforted me too but the pain inside is still there. Always has been always will. Who would think that such a simple mark on your left forearm could mean such a horrid life. Living a life serving to the dark lords wishes isn't as fun as it sounds. Even though it chokes me up so much to think of how evil I am, I can never break out of the trace of being so dark once I am in it. The second I put on that mask, I change in so many ways. Always in a way I regret. Always.

"I wish you'd open up to me Santana, I wish I knew why your heart is so broken" Brittany murmured against my hair, the smell of ash and smoke flooding through my nostrils causing me to cough slightly.

My name is Santana Lopez. Welcome to my life as a death eater.

**Hi please review this and give new your opinion. I live off reviews so if I get a lot back, I will get writing this Story quicker. Do you think I should try my hand on some drawings to go with certain chapters? Let me know! Messeduplittleemo. Tumblr. Com.**

**Thanks. :D **


	2. Year 6 first day part 1

**Hey! Thanks! OK so the drawings/cartoons/sketch for the previous chap can be found here: **

**messeduplittleemo. tumblr post/ 25866306379/ my-first-drawing-for-my-new-fanfiction-the-pain**

**OK so enjoy the first full part! Thanks for reading. Oh p.s. sorry, I've suddenly changed Santana into a chaser instead of a beater like in the prologue, I decided chaser fitted her better but she's still captain! OK, now enjoy.**

The tension in the room of us death eaters was growing unbearable. My lord had been pacing the table for a while now, his eyes piercing at each of us along the long table placed in the middle of the dimly lit room. I could see the sweat slowly beading itself down from Draco's temple and his hands shook against his legs. Voldemort had always scared the life from Draco, just the thaught of his sheer power was enough to put anyone's nerves on edge. Even Lucius malfoy, one of lord voldemorts most loyal death eaters, would grow worried around his own master.

He was slowly bringing his robed body down the length of my side of the extended table, stopping to curl his long fingers around the backs of each of our chairs, building up the tension. He'd been silent since we all sat down and it was fair to say, the only one not looking nervous was bellartix. She never is. She just sits opposite me with a sinister grin on her lips. It's been so long since I've seen her, yet I have had no friendly hello or smile in my direction like I used to. I guess we have grown apart after all these years.

My lord was slowly creeping up towards Draco, rolling his want between his fingers. None of us were daring to make eye contact with the most powerful dark wizard of all time. I hadn't even registered him pass straight past Draco and drum his fingers over the wood of the backrest on my chair.

"Santana!" He bellowed, being the first word he had spoke of the meeting. My body stiffened at the sound of my name escaping his lips and a large lump formulated in my throat, unableing me to swallow it away.

"Y-yes my lord?" I stammered with a raspy tone shining through my voice. I was surprisingly calm to say that this was the first time since the new year that I'd been in the presence of voldemort. I felt his hand slip like a serpant over my shoulder, his cold touch making me shiver.

"Are the rumors true?" He asked simply, digging his nails into my skin to stop my shaking that I wasn't aware had begun. I caught a glimpse of Bella giving me a smirk from across the table. Not the friendly kind of smile, still radiating with evilness. I'm sure sweat is dripping down my face now. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and my hearing is becoming unaudiable. Only certain things are being picked up through my eardrums. My heartbeat. Draco gulping. Heavy breathing. Bella's fingernails drumming against the fabric covering the table. The tap of the dark lords want against the wood of my chair.

"W-what rumors my lord?" I asked, trying my hardest to disguise the fear and unevenness of my tone.

"That you've gotten yourself a little _halfblood_ lover!" He spat loudly causing laughter to rise up from the more relaxed members around the table. No, they couldn't be on about Brittany. They couldn't know about her, could they?

I swallowed deeply, feeling my cheeks flush with the redness of humiliation.

"Oh and that's not the best part!" Voldemort laughed excitedly to his laughing loyals. His face showed joy and entertainment from the convocation of my love life. It's disgusting. "It's a helpless hufflepuff... _girl_!"

And the room burst into fits of bellowing laughter, everyone except me and Draco. I was sweating everywhere now in fear, listing to these people who I'm supposed to feel comfortable around, laughing directly at me being with Brittany, the one thing keeping me sane.

"A girl!" Bella screeched in disbelief, thumping the table as she laughed uncontrollably. "A hufflepuff! Ha!"

She was looking directly at me now as she chuckled furiously, holding her stomach. My humiliation was soon morphing into anger. Raging anger. My firsts were balling into firsts under the tablecloth and my teeth scrapped and ground against eachother.

"A little, innocent hufflepuff! A _girl_! Your _gay_! Haha! Oh my lord, this is precious! I bet she's blonde! Ha!"

And with that final remark, I shot to my feel, sending the chair toppling backwards to hit against the floor with a bang hollowing through the empty walls of the room. I flicked out my wand from my pocket and directed it straight in bellatrix's direction, my chest heaving with boiling rage. Out of all the people, Bella? I once basically called her family! She was almost a best friend, now she's causing me so much humiliation! Since when did bellatrix want to be against me?

"Santana sit down" My dad, ringo lopez, instructed me from my left but I just slowly shook my head, still staring down at Bella through the slits of my eyes, my knuckles changing to a ghostly white with the strength I held on my wand.

"Don't. Get. Involved. Its. My business." I panted, tilting my want threateningly, still holding it directly at Bella's chin. She was still laughing though. "I know the spells you know. And the curses. The hexes. The jinxes. You think your so amazing Bella. You have no idea I could end you in the blink of a eye!" I shouted, pulling the arm of my robe free from Draco's grip as he tried to seat me again.

"_Imperio_" voldemort muttered, the force of the curse causing me to be dragged back into my seat screaming. I could fight it but it's pointless, it would get me killed.

Once the curse ended and voldemort hid his wand again, all I could do was look down ashamed at the ground, feeling bellatrix's glare burn through me. She was still giggling.

"So, are the rumors true Santana? What's this girls name?" Voldemort asked calmly, his hands gripping the backrest of my seat again. What could I do? I have no choice.

"There true. Her names Pierce. Brittany Pierce" I admitted sheepishly, still watching as I fumbled my fingers in my lap.

"Ha Ha! The Pierce girl! Oh my lord! How pethetic! Your getting _naked_ with that dumb excuse for a witch!"

"-**bellatrix**!" My lord snapped, shutting her up from her tormenting.

"I..I.." I started but I wasn't sure how to end it. If I finished it with the _'I love her'_ like I'd planned on, I'd be laughing stock again.

"One minute!" Voldemort interrupted, pointing his wand at me instinctively. "Getting _naked_ with her?" He asked, but before I could tell him I hadn't yet, he continued anyway. "She's seen you! She's seen the mark hasn't she? The Pierce girl knows about you doesn't she! Well that gives us no choice! The girl dies tomorrow night!"

_No_.

"Santana! Santana! Get up, don't worry, it's just a dream baby! Wake us I'm here, it's OK"

My eyes snapped open to find myself tucked up in the green sheets of my bed, holding onto a worried looking Brittany im my arms. My eyes flitted around the curtain enclosed bed to confirm I was safe. It all seemed so real. I looked down at my chest, still heaving beneth my long sleeved pyjamas. My hand shot up to my face, dabbing my forehead. The sweat was still there too.

"Oh God, your OK!" I breathed, throwing my arms around her shoulders and tackling her back onto the matice with relief.

"Of course I'm OK Santana. It was just a dream. I'm fine, don't worry baby" Brittany cooed, holding me tight against her under the covers.

We remained like that for a few minutes, just holding each others bodies close and feeling our heartbeats. my face was buried in her golden locks and I clutched at her baby pink tank top, entwining our bare legs under the covers.

"_Hey_" Brittany mumbled against my neck sending shivers through my body. She slowly pulled away but kept her arms holding me securely, leaving our faces inches apart. "Good morning"

I let out a sleepy laugh and braught my hand up to clutch at her neck, bringing her forward for a quick yet loving kiss.

"G'morning" I whispered, remembering some girls in the dorm may still be sleeping being as I'm not even sure of the time.

"Quiddich today" I moaned, flopping my body back against the springy sheets to look up at my girlfriend as she perched herself up on one elbow looking directly down into my eyes.

"And were gonna whoop your slytherin asses!" Brittany giggled flirtatiously, bringing her hand down to brush away a couple of stray strands of hair from my forehead.

"We'll see about that! You and Quinn are the only decent players on the team" I exclaimed, shifting onto my elbows so my lips could stretch up to meet hers again, kissing over each lip softly before meeting our tongues in a passionate embrace.

"I love you" Brittany whispered, pressing her lips to mine more hotly and pushing me back to lie against the sheets, her body flush against mine. But before I could reply, the left curtain enclosing my bed was drawn swiftly open.

"Urgh, get a room you two" sugar complained, turning back around to saunter back towards her own bed to carry on with dressing herself in her quiddich uniform.

"If you didn't notice, we were kinda in one" Brittany sighed, flopping back down besides me and cuddling into my chest. I sniggered and lay my head against the silky top of hers, threading my arms around her. Brittanys warmth always faught away the cold and empty feeling inside of my soul. Feeling her so close to me and feeling her innocent heart beat in time with mine cleansed away all the internal pain. She was my healer.

"Well breakfast started half hour ago and we have quiddich this morning, then the new first years arrive tonight so big day, hurry up" sugar instructed, scooping up our flying robes and throwing them onto our bed.

If it wasn't for sugar, I'd never get out of bed. Her, Puck and Draco are the only slytherins I actually talk to. I don't have many friends really, just people who admire and follow me. Thinking about it, I've got five friends, best friends. Brittany, sugar, Draco, Puck and Quinn, brittanys best friend in hufflepuff. She's on the hufflepuff quiddich team. She's the keeper, Brittany is the chaser.

But our quiddich team is unbeatable. Draco is the best seeker we could ask for and I've broke records as a chaser. Pucks hefty weight and muscles make him a awesome keeper and sugar is a agile chaser too. Besides Brittany, quidditch also helps me release my anger and depression, I love it.

"We betta get up San" Brittany groaned, unconnecting her tiresome body from mine to swing her long legs out of the bed and sit up in the edge, stretching out her muscular arms and yawning loudly.

"No! Five more minutes!" I protested with a pout, crawling over to the edge she sat over to pull her back onto the sheets besides me sharing childish giggles while she got smothered by the cuddle monster.

"It's a good job everyone is already at breakfast or your reputation would have just sunk a shit load" sugar chuckled to herself as she put the last touches on her chestnut brown hair which already looked perfect with it's dark green headband matching the colour of her robes, her locks tied in two even ponytails.

"Santana! Let go!" Brittany shrieked as I began tickling her ribs teasingly making her body spasm uncontrollably. She finally escaped my grip and scampered to the edge of the bed, sitting back in her previous position and pulling her top over her head without hesitation, exposing her naked, slick back to me. Her curves were drool-worthy with Her skin so creamy and kissable and the sight of the exposed sides of her breasts sent chills through my body, landing at my core. I couldn't just sit here doing nothing about that.

I threw away the sheets to creep up behind her, kneeling behind her on the matrice and scooping her hair into my hands, studying the way the silky shades of blonde mixed together. I hung it over her right shoulder but continued stroking it, raking my fingers through it to unknot the tangled strands. I moved my face down to to the crook of her revealed neck, hooking my arm under brittanys to continue fumbling with the addictingly smooth flow of hair.

"I love you too by the way" I breathed into her ear, feeling her body shudder against mine with my seductive tone, even more so when my fingers wrapped around her slim waist, pressing my plump lips to one of the most sensitive areas of her pulse point.

"Well that's not something I wanted to ever see" sugar complained from the doorway before it slammed shut leaving us alone in the room. The second the handle clicked shut, her body snapped around and threw me back against the bed with a soft growl and molded her lips and body firmly against my own, meeting our tongues feverishly. We explored the valleys of one another's bodies delicately, caressing each dip and curve while our kisses continued with a fiery passion, my legs wrapping around her waist keeping her body in place atop of mine.

"Santana..." Brittany moaned wetly against my lips as her hands began cupping my breasts through my Pajama shirt. "...There will be no food left."

I laughed and rolled over so I landed perched over my girlfriend, watching her beautiful naked torso rise of the bed with each of her pants. I shook my head and ducked down for a last quick kiss before crawling off the bed and collecting my clothing and heading towards the bathroom to dress into my robes, a smile spreading over my face with the Highness of our kiss and the thrill of imagining my quidditch match. Maybe this day can be alright after all?

The wind blew past my face at a tremendous speed as I flew swiftly through the air, speeding towards the falling quaffle, flying in the hawkshed flying formation with sugar and ewan, the other slytherin chaser, knocking Brittany from the reach of the heavy game ball. Being at the head if the hawkshed, I snatched up the ball and sharply turned in the direction of the hufflepuff goals were Quinn hovered awaiting my attack.

The crowd surrounding The pitch were chanting my name, supporting me forward In my attack as I dodged storming bludgers being belted in my direction by the hufflepuff beaters. But Brittany and Heidi macavoy were soon approaching me at a incredible speed, attempting to sandwich me between them with a attempt at the dreaded parkin's pincer.

I looked fearfully back over my shoulder after dodging a dangerously close bludger to find how close they were to me. Brittany had always been faster than Heidi but they were too close for me to get a decent shot at the skillfully guarded goals. Sugar wasn't far behind them so with a quick wink in her direction, she knew my tactics.

I pulled suddenly upwards on my broom to shoot me higher into the air, blowing away the strands of my raven hair stuck to my brow with sweat, until I flew straight forward again watching Brittany and Heidi exchange confused looks, not knowing which of us to follow. They chose the wrong option and followed me up higher into the air. Now this is the fun part.

While the chasers watched me closely, I gripped my hand into a groove in the quaffle and raised my arm readying to throw at the close goal but just as I flicked my wrist to throw it, noticing brittanys body stiffen with tension, I dropped the ball effortlessly bellow me.

I laughed and halted my broom with the hufflepuff chasers diving down helplessly around me as I watched sugar catch hold of the quaffle, zoom closer towards the goal then to bluff shooting towards the left and successfully shooting it perfectly through he goal on the right, missing quinns broom by around a metre. Goal!

"And that's a other goal for slytherin! Beating hufflepuff 120-50" was called down the Mega phone And the victorious score was changed with a ding.

I thumped the air with victory and flew up to meet Draco who was hovering high keeping a quick eye out for the golden snitch between glances at the hufflepuff seeker.

"Any luck?" I called, halting my broom besides him and scanning the area for any sign of the golden target.

"No but I think I'm gonna try out a Wronski Feint cause that guy is pissing me off" He informed me, staring at the opposing seeker with awe of his alertness.

"You do that, I'm off to win this thing" I shrugged, not entirely interested in his plans so I zoomed off towards ewan to circle the pitch,awaiting a opportunity to snatch the quaffle from the hands of the hufflepuffs but right now, our beaters were taking control, attempting to shoot bludgers through the goals and sending them flying in the directions of the unexpecting hufflepuffs.

Draco began snapping his head around, flitting his eyes in all sorts of directions before he swiftly swooped down towards the ground, soon being followed by the hufflepuff seeker in the parallel drop.

"We've got this thing!" I shouted, dodging a swooping bludger and watching it smash against a opposing chasers shoulder with a painful crunch. One thing to learn about our team, we play dirty. The chaser was momentarily knocked from his broom but soon pulled himself back onto it and continued his flying through the air to group with brittany and heidi. These bludgers were beginning to be a little to violent.

Suddenly Draco swooped up by pulling hard on the handle of his broom but the unexpecting hufflepuff was sent crashing against the ground with a dramatic gasp, his body rolling in a unnatural fold over the grass with a scream of pain.

"Damn" I mumbled to myself, speeding off towards one of our beaters and snatching his bat as the thrown quaffle stormed towards us so I swung my batted arm to hit it powerfully towards the middle goal guarded by Quinn.

"Tarantallegra" I hexed under my breath, keeping eye contact with Quinn as the quaffle fired through the air. I know Quinn is my best friend but as I said, slytherin play dirty. Her legs began spasming as she tried to defend the ball, causing her to lose control of her broom, Allowing the quafflr to land directly through the hoop.

"Santana Lopez scores a other 10 points for slytherin sending the score to 130-50"

I smirked at the recognition and circled down the pitch again, struggling to Dodge the attacking bludger seemingly following my movements. The bludgers were very aggressive today and most players were struggling with the hexed balls.

Brittany had The quaffle at the moment, dipping and diving the attacks of the bludger and the slytherins. She'd been getting better since I'd been training her secretly here at weekends.

"BRITTANY, BLUDGER!" I screamed, swooping around to begin following her as she headed for our goals. She snapped her head to the left so dipped upside down in a sloth grip roll allowing the ball to swoop over the top of her broom. She continued flying forwards and struggled to sit back onto her broom again, throwing the ball across the pitch to Heidi as soon as she remained balance. Heidi shot but Puck defended well.

I didn't notice the bludgers boomerang effect until I turned back around from my celebrations. The grooved ball smashed into The handle of brittanys broom knocking her out of control and losing her grip on her now broken broom.

"BRITTANY!" I screamed as her body circled downwards towards the ground. I dipped fastly down to race her falling body to the ground, feeling my skin pull backwards with the sheer force of the pressure in the air. Then I remembered my wand in my pocket and pulled it quickly from it's compactment, pointing it at my falling lover.

"_Levicorpus_" I shouted desperately, knowing I had better spells but being unable to muster them up in my state of panic.

Brittany was suddenly halted from her falling by being dangled upside down from her ankles with a flash of white light, her head only around 4 and a half feet from the pain of the ground.

Just as my feet touched down on the ground, a raise of cheer and applause spread into the air from the surrounding stands, chanting our houses name.

"And Draco malfoy catches the snitch! SLYTHERIN WINS!"

I laughed with victory as I dropped my broom and ran to stand before were brittany hovered dangling overturned.

"So we won again" I smirked cockily, her upturned eyes smiling up at me.

She shook her head, her blonde hair sprawling towards the ground as she grabbed at my face and pulled me into a soft, loving kiss, listing to the crowd cheer and whoop more.

"Thanks for saving me, your my hero" Brittany giggled after breaking our passionate minute long make out, the feeling of her soft lips still tingling and lingering on mine and the feeling of victory still sending a high through my veins.

"Anytime" I breathed sincerely as the other players landed to the ground around us either happily celebrating of grieving their lose.

But I'm not the hero. I'm never the hero. I'm the villain. Always have, always will be...

"Are you gonna, um... get me down?"

**Hey thanks for reading! Please Please drop me a review so I'm more motivated about this story and I will try to get back to you with my appreciation. Tell me what you think of my sketch too! I'm amateur... =] thank! Messeduplittleemo. Tumblr. Com.**


	3. Year 6 first day part 2

**Hey thanks to you who reviewed and subscribed, sorry that it took so long to update, I've been kinda busy but here it is, hope you enjoy. Please send me your reviews I will be really grateful. =)**

Previously on The pain on darkness:

._Santana Lopez is a death eater and detests her life._

_.Brittany doesn't know but has to deal with Santanas many breakdowns._

_.because of the dark mark on santanas arm, Brittany has never seen her naked, so they've never done the deed._

_.Santana has a dream of the dark lord and belatrix betraying her and they say they will kill Brittany. _

_.they awake and Brittany comforts Santana._

_.slytherin beat hufflepuff in the quidditch match but Santana saves Brittany from falling._

Oxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

6th year, first day afternoon.

I. Hate. First. Years. Sitting in this common room with the over excited 11 year olds running around like maniacs is the most agitating things in the world. They think that because their finally all in Hogwarts that they can be all big. They think They can talk back to me. And anyone who really knows me knows that anyone doing that will get me pissed. The only thing keeping me sane is Brittany under my arm, laying her soft blond hair on my shoulder and tracing invisible patterns over the skin on the back of my hand sending sweet tingles through every inch of my being. Listing closely to her delicate breathing slowly drowns out the sound of the laughter and shouts.

"Why is there some hufflepuff here?" A small brown locked girl asked cockily, standing directly before me just as my lips began to graze brittanys forehead.

"Because she's my girlfriend so get used to it" I scowled, feeling brittanys chest hitch against my shoulder as she tried to contain her laughter.

"Eww two girls. That's gross. I've never met a lesbian but now I guess I've met two. But it's still gross. How do you f-"

"_Silencio_" I breathed, bringing my finger to press over my lips, keeping my eyes on the annoying young girl. I'm sure she's a relative on an annoying 6th year I know. Something about the nose. Anyway, now with my charm, she's silenced. No one calls me and Brittany gross and gets away with it. So just to rub it in, I grabbed at Brittanys face to tilt her head up and press a wet, passionate kiss to her lips, dipping my tongue between her lips whenever I had a chance, loving the feel and taste I'm so used to. The suck of her lips is intocicating, it's easy to allow her touch to sweep me up into a beautiful daydream of her and I, but Draco's voice braught me crashing back to reality.

"Santana!"

I snapped my lips from Brittanys and slipped my arm down from her shoulders to clutch her by the waist keeping her molded against me. Stupid people interrupting every good moment I get.

"You can't just charm a new kid then give them a full makeout session to watch!" He snapped sharply, flicking his wand quickly to unjinx the shocked girl. She scowled at me and ran off in the direction of a small bobbed blonde girl, smiling brightly at her as she arrived.

"You don't like kids much do you" Draco sighed, sitting the opposite side to Brittany.

"What's her name?" I asked as soon as he finished his sentence. He already knew the answer. No, I don't like kids. Isn't it pretty obvious? And I especially don't like that girl. Remaining glaring at the young girl, I watched as she skipped up to a group of girls with the blonde girls hand in her own. She's one to talk. Hand holding was a first sign of my love to Brit ya know? Thinking about it, the blonde looks familiar too. "And who's her little Blondie?" I added curiously.

Draco sighed at the scowl on my face as the two girls shot glances in our direction as the gossiped openly about us with their friends. He drooped back in his chair with exhaustion and relief as the first years began slowly departing in small groups to explore their dorms, allowing the common room to slowly drain of the annoying flock of children.

"Her names Tiffany Berry. Never have guessed she's Rachel's cousin right?" He scoffed sarcastically, his gaze following the group of girls out of the room as they giggled their way up the stairs. "And on the brighter side, her 'blondie' is the sister of Quinn, sophia, I'm sure Quinn told you her sister was coming?"

I snapped up from brittanys grip and leant forward to watch the mini Quinn disappear into the doors.

"Oi fabray!" I shouted, not thinking about my actions as the blonde popped back around the doorframe timidly.

"Y-yes?"

Aww so they are all scared of me already! That's kinda cute.

"Oh so you are a fabray! It's about time one of you ended up in slytherin. Quinn's much better than the rest of those loser hufflepuffs, as well as you Brit, hopefully you will be as great as her" I smiled sincerely, smiling warmly at Sophia as she relaxed at my statement.

"Thanks, so you know Quinn well?" She asked sweetly, still partially hiding behind the grand engraved door frame but the nervousness on her face now completely vanished.

"Yeah. San is her best friend too. Now practice your flying and hopefully next year when the hufflepuff team loses their only two good players, you will be able to take your sisters place" Brittany chimed in, slowly slipping her fingers between mine and maintaining the contact we'd lost moments ago.

"Thanks, I will Brittany, I gotta go now, Tiffany's pulling me but it was nice to meet you Santana!" Sophia called as she was dragged down the hallway by the mini Rachel Berry. Well having Quinn's sister in the house is nice. She's a sweet little girl. But having Berry's sister here too sucks. Rachel Berry is a annoying, beg headed griffyndor. Me and her have never seen eye to eye. Her pure cockiness and big-headedness was enough to make my blood boil. So there have been a few punches and spells but never anything too serious even though I've been so tempted to. But I'd end up in askaban in a instance.

"You know Sophia?" I asked, turning back to Brittany to cuddle our bodies together again, feeling Draco grow uncomfortable besides us. He always did when we got close. Either he always got a erection, had a crush on one of us or was gay and disgusted by us. I've been telling myself that since he began being awkward around us.

"Yeah. I stayed over at Quinn's one of the holidays and met her. Nice kid-"

"-I gotta go" Draco interrupted, raising sharply to his feet and heading towards his dorm without a farewell.

"See you at the party then!" I called after him but it was too late, he'd disappeared, finally leaving me and Brittany alone.

"Oh the party! I'd totally forgot! You betta be getting changed for it cause I'm not too keen on these things." She pouted, running her hand down my chest and fumbling with my school robes. I didn't like them either to be honest. If I had the choice, I'd rather just wear my quidditch gear all day.

"Yeah I'm getting changed. I'll go get changed first then we can sneak along to your dorm and get you in something sexy." I smirked with a wink, standing and pulling her to her feet, entwining our hands as we hurried across the green carpeted floor and rushed up the few flights if stairs to burst into my dorm. There weren't many people inside, most were at hogsmead to escape the trouble of the first years and only sugar and a couple of other girls were around the bedroom.

"Argh! Those first years!" Sugar screamed, cocooning her pillow around her head and throwing herself onto her bed face first in fustration. With a quick few flicks of my wand, I set a soundproofing spell around the room, drew open my drawers and sent a specific outfit onto my bed.

"Thank you!" Sugar breathed in relief, throwing her pillow back onto her bed and sitting back up just as the other two girls left the room and Brittany sauntered over to admire my chosen outfit of a very short tight fitting green dress, and a purple jacket. The jacket was long sleeved thank God.

"Oh my God that will look soooo sexy on you San!" Brittany gasped, ducking under my bed to pick out a pair of matching purple high heels.

"Kinda the idea..." I flirted, scooping up the clothes and shuffling onto my bed, snapping the curtains all around shut with a flick of my wand.

"S-san?" Brittany exclaimed as the curtain flicked closed infront of her face. I did feel so guilty having to block her out in that way.

If it was my choice, we'd be making love every night it's just this stupid mark on my forearm holding me back from the love of my life. She's seen the tattoo yes, and she doesn't like it because I won't tell her what it says but never above the wrist. I couldn't bare her knowing. She's too innocent to have someone as dangerous as me in her life. I know that sounds stupid because I'm already very much in her life. But it's not the real me. Brittany thinks I'm just a ordinary wizard from a ordinary family who she fell in love with but I'm so much more than that. And my biggest fear of all is losing her. And that's what will happen if she finds Out. No one as innocent as Brittany could love the truth of a person like me could she?

"I wish you wouldn't do that Santana!" Brittany sighed as I slipped out of my uniform, protected from the view of my friend and lover but the handy emerald material. I heard her lean against my bed post with a creek and let out a long sigh. It hurts her to be so distant from me but what can I do? It's like they say, I can't live with or without her so I'm stuck. I wish I knew what to do. I tried to hurry with slipping the tight dress over my head, disliking the sound of disappointment in my lovers voice and disliking the mumbles between her and sugar. I quickly dragged the zipper of my dress up with a burst of magic from my want and pulled my jacket up and over my arms.

Without wanting to leave a agitated Brittany without me much longer, I flung open the curtains and draped my legs over the edge to hover over my shoes. They had too many buckles for my liking but if Brittany liked them then I would wear them for her. They will probably be broken by the end of the night anyway.

"Help me with the shoes please?" I asked softly, peering down at the impossible amount of metal clasps on the shoes.

Brittanys eyes finally met with mine and a smile was back across her face instantly. She let out a small giggle at the way I pouted my lips at her then bent down infront of me and held herself up by my knees, not breaking our eye contact.

I could tell sugar was watching us from across the room but I didn't care as Brittanys hands slipped down my calf slowly, coming to a stop at my ankles to teasingly begin threading the fabric through the metal buckles and tracing her fingers over my skin ever now and again just so I would let out a sharp inhale of air.

"I love you" she mouthed up at me as the last buckle was flitted into place and my shoes were tightly around my feet. My heart melted with her words and she hesitantly leant towards my knee and pressed a delicate kiss over it's cap, still staring lovingly into my eyes from bellow.

Her kisses began trailing to the inside of my knee until she was beginning to trail up my thigh. But my mind was too far in it's own fantasies. She was only stopped by sugars moans of dislike when her head snapped back but her hands remained on my knees, drawing loving circles over the tinging skin.

"Come on" I sighed, fixing my hair one last time. "We betta go get something for you to wear"

Brittany nodded up at me in agreement and lifted herself by my knees, bringing her lips close to my ear first to pause before whispering,

"I wish I could touch you more"

Those several words sent shivers running through my body, reaching every inch of my untouched body and enlightening desire deep within me.

If only I could touch her more. If only she could touch me more, it's not fair that I'm punished to this life for no reason. I never had a damn choice. I was born to evil. If I had a choice, I'd been born into a normal, kind family like brittanys or Quinn's but no. I'm a disgusting Lopez.

I coughed away my arousal and allowed myself to be pulled to my feet and dragged away from my bed and down towards the hufflepuff common room.

Oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Parties at the shrieking shack were always the best you could get. You didn't have to worry about the noise made nor look out for patrolling professors. Puckerman always would arrange the party room of the shack and get plenty of booze in. I'm sure tonight will be no different.

You could already hear the thudding of the music vibrating from the shack as me and Brittany approached hand in hand through the dark paths. I always loved the muggle music played at the parties, muggles have always intrigued me with their unusual culture and wacky ways of living. But their music is just he best.

"I'm so excited San, we haven't been to a party for sooo long!" Brittany eclaimed, already slightly buzzed from our firewhiskey shots earlier. She clutched my hand between her two as she skipped along, impatient to begin partying. I was impatient to see her dance really. Brittany had always been a amazing dancer, just watching her was hypnotizing. Intoxicating really. She moved so elegantly and floatatiously like dancing was in her blood. Much like quidditch was.

"Someone's eager" I laughed, begging to slightly run along side Brittany in my killer heels to catch up with her. Her bright red corset top seemed to glow in the eery darkness and guide my way being as she was now hurrying atleast two metres before me, tugging me along. Atleast it gave me a moment to check out her perfectly round ass swaying along in her skimpy denim shorts, the fray dangling a little around the top of the thigh. Her outfit didn't leave much to the imagination. Even her hair looked stunning, parted straight around her neck so it dangled over her chest.

"Yes now come on!" She called back, swinging open the creaking door of the shrieking shack. A other reason the shrieking shack is so perfect is because most lower years are petrified to set foot in this place. But it's ideal with the large rooms and bedrooms. So it's mainly used as a 5th and 6th year party and makeout destination.

As soon as we entered the party room we were welcomed by the large amount of dancing and socializing kids and the booming music rattling through the walls. A large smirk spread over brittanys lips and she began pulling me through the crowd and straight towards the table of alcohol, Some enchanted and some not. we stopped briefly on the way to say a friendly 'hi' to a few people before we came to stop infront of the table, unsurprisingly ran by no other than Noah puckerman.

The table was spread with beverages such as daisyroot draught, firewhisky, butterbeers, Bungbarrel Spiced Mead and many other alcoholic drinks I knew well.

"What can I get my favorite lesbians?" Puck winked, picking up two fresh plastic cups and gesturing to his vast collection. I scowled at him for a moment but soon loosened up and laughed it off, knowing I couldn't stay mad at my lezbro.

"I'll have a shot of firewhisky and a quintin black" I smiled, grabbing the freshly poured shot and throwing my head back to drown it instantly, feeling it burn warmly down my throat.

"And I'll have a white rat whiskey" Brittany nodded, taking my quintin black and taking a swig before handing it to me.

Soon we had our drinks and with a goodbye to Puck, we headed towards the centre of the dancing people to grab at eachothers bodies and begin dancing to the music, clutching our beverages in our free hands.

Mike Chang, the ravenclaw quidditch captain, and Warren Simpson from gryffindor were mixing the music behind a large muggle dj desk and were surprisingly good at it, sending the music blaring and bass banging over the sound of the melodies giving us a more firm beat to sway, jump and practically go wild to.

I laughed as Brittany began flicking her hair back and forth as she pressed her hips against mine like we always have done as we dance. She basically had all the attention as we danced in the centre of the room with the way her body popped to the tune and her hips shook seductively. All I could do was hold her hips into mine and grind against her, throwing my hair around and relishing the amazing sensation of my lovers pelvis on mine.

Although I'm sure most of the party were watching us as they continued their partying, it felt like it was just me and Brittany losing control together.

"Come on then miss Lopez, your currently doing outstanding in your mugged studies so tell me, what are we dancing to?" Brittany asked with a cheeky grin, sliding her hand down my arm to entwine between my fingers and pull my arm back and forth, swaying me side to side like we used to dance as 7 year olds.

I took a moment to listen behind the throbbing bass to identify the mixed lyrics and the vice of the muggle artist, unable to fully concentrate with brittanys gorgeous blue eyes boring down into mine with her eye brows cockily raised.

"Lady gaga just dance" I announced proudly, chugging the remainder of my drink and crushing the cup in my fist and tossing it aside onto the ground hearing someone dancing step on it instantly.

"Good girl" Brittany congratulated, wrapping her arms around my shoulders to pull my tight against her and continue her grinding, parting her lips against the sensitive skin of my neck and begin to suck In the skin causing my eyes to snap shut to muffle a moan. My hands clutched rather hard into her waist and my neck tilted back slightly to allow more space for brittanys talented lips to wonder.

I'm not sure how many songs passed as we stood practically making out in the centre of the room, kissing, sucking and licking but by the time our lips broke contact, we found many guys whooping and wolf whistling.

"Hey!" One of the guys who's name I don't quite know called out drunkily. "who's up for spin the bottle!"

OxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxO

Three hours later I sat Pushed back against the leather sofa with Brittany straddling my thighs, kissing me deeply as my hands wondered all over her back and ass.

By now I was around 5/6 drinks in and I was feeling on top of the world, feeling invincible and so confident. Spin the bottle had gone well enough. I jinked the bottle to only land on girls to save myself the vile experience of having to kiss one of these repulsive boys but my spells failed once. So I ended up sharing spit with Brittany, sugar, Quinn and Warren. I'm sure there was other people too but my minds beginning to go fuzzy. He wasn't that bad a kisser really. He was part Porta rican too so his larger lips fit well with mine. Quinn was a good kisser but I can't really remember the others.

I think it's midnight and I've only got into one fight so far. That was when karofsky tried to use a spiking spell on Quinn's drink and I used the 'Sectumsempra' spell so many times that he ended up bloody and bruised all over. Luckily Brittany found my aggression hot and here I am, snogging Brittany senseless with my best friends around me. Drinking always makes my life seem good and takes away all my problems. It makes new forget what they are.

"Urgh, Santana, your face tastes awesome" Brittany moaned, pulling her lips from mine but remaining her hands over my shoulders to knead against them. Brittany was also, very, very drunk. I think she's drank more than me but I've lost count. Her hair is wild and messed by my hands and her corset top has been rolled up slightly to expose her toned stomach. "We should go upstairs" she suggested flirtatiously.

"Oh God yes" I groaned, openly taking her hand so she could pull me up off the couch and drag me excitedly towards the staircase leading up to the bedrooms.

I turned to blow a cheeky kiss at Quinn in the heat of the moment until I was pulled from the party room and up the steep stone flight of steps.

We giggled along the corridors hand in hand, staggering and slamming against the walls in our drunkenness. We opened a few doors but found then occupied by screaming and moaning couples so slammed them again until we found a deserted room with a single double bed in the middle and two enlightened lamps on two bedside tables each side.

Brittany pulled me inside to slam me against the back of the door and reconnect our tingling lips in a hot kiss with hands roaming over as much skin as possible. The heat built up from our breaths making the room stuffy and hot. My lips trailed all over her jaw, neck and exposed area of her chest. Every sensation of her hands and lips drove me insane with ecstasy from the alertness of the alcohol. I needed her so bad.

Her hands shrugged off my jacket and crashed our lips together again, clutching at the nape of my neck as she pulled me back across the room, falling helplessly onto her atop of the bed raising laughter.

"I want you Brittany" I breathed subconsciously, ducking down and devouring her tongue with mine. And I did want her. Since badly. I always want her. Always will.

But as I ripped open her top and began taking things further than I ever had with her before... I didn't think of the consequences. I didn't think at all.

**Heyyy please review, I live hearing from u lot sooo much. It makes me so happy. Tell me what you think. I will try and update ASAP. Thank-you! =)**


	4. year 6 the morning after

**Hey thanks for reviews, really really appreciate it. OK so most of you began thinking ahead but most of u were wrong... so here it is. Enjoy.**

I'm not exactly sure what awoke me from a sleep more peaceful and content than reality. Maybe it was the throbbing headache. Maybe the cool breeze on my naked body. Maybe the smooth feel of skin on my own.

Wait... naked? And skin on my own?

My eye lids snapped open but my body remained frozen with stiffness, expecting the worst of the possibilities. I was staring straight up at the ceiling with pure fear of what I would find if I turned my head.

I can't remember where I am. this certainly isn't a Hogwarts bed. No masts and surrounding coloured curtains. I've never seen this room before. I also can't remember last night. At all. The throbbing and sheer pounding of my head makes it impossible to think hard so I decided I only had one option. Look.

I groaned quietly at the pain and closed my eyes to take a sharp inhale before rolling my head to the side and opening them. There she was. Lay so contently on the matrice with her delicate head rested on the feather stuffed pillow and her long blonde locks pooling around her face. Brittanys arms were draped around me, cuddling me tight and trapping my naked body against hers with no escape.

But she looked so beautiful. The sheet was only covering our lower bodies leaving our torsos exposed to the cool air drifting through the half open window. Her skin was so creamy and soft to touch, I absentmindedly found myself grazing my fingertips over her arms just to relish the amazing sensation of touching her. But how did we get here? What happened last night. I remember setting out to a party but after that was a black top blur.

But suddenly, interrupting how beautiful this moment lying entwined with Brittany was, reality hit me. Were naked together. We must have done something. Something I can't remember. Oh no. I couldn't have done that last night! That was supposed to special! When I was ready to give my self entirely to her and ready to make a commitment and open up to her about...

...the dark mark. What if she saw it in the night? Oh no...

I shot out of the bed faster than light and searched my eyes hurriedly around the room trying to locate my wand. Once I found it half rolled under the wooden bed I lunged for it and snatched it into my grip.

"_Accio clothes_" I whispered with a flick of my wand, trying to collect all my own clothes from the night before in my arms as they came flying in my direction.

Then I realized all I had in my hands was a bra, panties, dress and purple shoulder jacket. I cursed under my breath and threw the underwear and dress back on the grimey wooden floor, pulling my jacket quickly over my shoulders and covering my repulsive dark mark with the layer of purple material.

I took a moment to consider how ridiculous I looked naked with a purple jacket over my arms but shrugged it off and slipped back under the sheets with a almost silent creek of the springs. As I pulled the sheets back I got my first glimpse of something I'd been dreaming about for so long. The whole length of brittanys stark naked form. Her delicious long legs. Her taut, sexy stomach and druel-worthy breasts.

Being as the sight brought arousal dripping down to my core, I quickly dipped closer to her and covered our bodies with the thin sheet then molded into her body and held her close. I wish I could feel her body beneath my arms but sadly, I can't.

I lay my head on the pillow besides her so our faces were millimeters apart and her breath tingled against my lips.

I watched her sleeping with a sincere smile, examining the way her face moved as she took each long breath and the way her eye lids fluttered as she exhaled jaggedly. She must be waking up. She must be feeling the same headache that awoke me.

Deciding she would awake soon, I gave in to my desire and softly pouted my lips around her still slightly swollen bottom one and lingering the kiss until I felt eyes bore against mine.

"G'mornin'" Brittany murmured against my lips, slipping her hand up my back but stopping once she felt the material of my jacket and retreated her lips immediately, most likely feeling the boulder of confusion that hit me.

"Why you wearin' jacket?" She mumbled sleepily, slipping her had from around my waist to rub at her sore eyes then her temples.

"It's cold. Um... Britt? Can you remember anything?" I asked cautiously, watching Brittany scrape her eyes up my body and coming to halt on my exposed breasts hanging free of the unzipped jacket.

"I remember the basics. Such as getting to know you rambunctious twins" she smirked, dragging her finger tips up my navel and stomach to lightly cup my breast, rubbing and kneading into the flesh slightly.

"Uh Brittany.. mmh. W-what h-happened" I moaned, feeling ecstasy flood through my body with the small amount of her contagious touch. "W-we didn't, ya know, cause I wanted that to be... special"

"No baby, I didn't take your v. I can remember going to the party at the shrieking shack and spending most if the time kissing the most amazing lips in the world..." Brittany explained flirtatiously, seemingly rather like her usual self only unusually more happy. I gave a loving smile at her compliment and awaited her to continue. "Then we came up here. I think we just had a wild, naked make out. We ground. That's it, now here we are"

I sighed with relief followed by a strangled moan as Brittany increased the pressure she kneaded my breast with, pinching the perky nipple between her thumb and fore finger.

"I love you" Brittany breath after a few silent moments of romantic stares and kneading. Hearing the words slip from brittanys mouth in the heat of the moment sent my heart melting in seconds. It kind of made me guilty for fooling around last night. I wanted to make the first time we saw eachother like that to be the most special and romantic night if our lives, not a drunken romp.

"I'm sorry" I blurted out just before our lips connected again causing Brittany to pull back in confusion.

"Well that's a unusual 'I love you too'..." she giggled disappointedly. I suddenly felt bad for not saying it back although it was so true. I love her so much and I want so badly to show her.

"I mean I'm sorry about last night. It should have been perfect" I apologized, propping myself up on one elbow to stare down into her eyes.

"We can still make it perfect baby" Brittany sighed, creeping a hand around to the nape of my neck to pull me down into a warm, delicate kiss which I melted into immediately. Her lips were just so addictive, I'd never get bored of them. My hands drifted to her hips to pull them into mine to connect our bodies in a way that sent fireworks of desire through my body.

I rolled her onto her back and mounted her, straddling her thighs and ducking down to suck her lips into my own mouth again, shivering as her hands held onto my hips.

We simultaneously deepened the kiss and my tongue gained it's dominance quickly, sliding my wet muscle over hers in sweet caresses.

Her hands dragged roughly up the front of my body until they came to stop on the laples of my jacket and I aruptedly parted our lips and pulled back, realising the seriousness of what what going on.

Brittany sighed and slid her hands down her sides to find mine and link our fingers supportingly.

"How much do you love me?" I asked softly, fumbling with her fingers nervously.

"More than anyone in the world. By the way, your such a erotic sight."

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks and felt the sudden urge to cover my naked self but my hands were restrained by brittanys fingers, stroking softly over my chilly skin.

"Do you want to be with me forever? Will you love me no matter what?" I sighed, shuffling down brittanys body to unmount her and kneel expectantly besides her. The expression on her face immediately dropped to worry as she sat up infront of me, bringing her hand out to cup my cheek reassuringly.

"Babe, what's wrong? Why are you saying this?" She questioned, staring deep into my eyes with her ocean blue ones making me feel warm and loved on the inside.

"Just answer me please...?" I almost begged, lacing my fingers with hers over my cheek, just relishing in the warmth her touch gave me.

She scoffed and shook her head with disbelief, crawling forward to straddle my knees and press a feather soft kiss to my unexpectant lips which I gave in to and folded my arms around her neck to depthen.

The way Her tongue glided against mine released a held back moan from my tingling lips. Her touch was so damn amazing. It makes me consider weather I should or shouldn't do what I'm about to do. What if she really does take it badly and leaves me with disgust of what I am. I can't let that happen. What would I do without her? Brittany is my life and without her, I don't have one. I'd die emotionally and physically.

Brittany Is the only reason I'm not Completely evil. How could I be so evil when I have Brittany. She's smart, She's innocent and she's everything that's good in this horrible stinking world. She shows me that life is worth living on the bright side, but would I stay there if she wasn't in my life?

"Santana. I want you forever. Nothing you could say or do would change that. I truly believe your my soul mate. You have been since I was like 3 but I didn't know how love felt then. Now I do and I understand that love is what I feel for you. And not just normal love like what made me date Artie back in third year but undying love. Your my soul mate, Santana Lopez."

I gripped at the nape of her neck as a single tear began slipping down my flushed cheek, pressing our foreheads together.

"I forgot to add 'I love you' at the end" Brittany giggled, her breath warm and musky on my lips, drawing me closer and closer until my lips collided in heat with hers.

"I. Love. You. Too." I admitted between breaks in our warm and wet kisses, pushing her back to lie against the bed and throwing one leg over thighs to straddle her.

"I haven't been completely honest with you Brittany." I sighed, sitting back up on her body to gaze down at her with sorry eyes, keeping my hand attached to her shoulder to knead the flesh softly.

She opened her mouth to say something but I sealed her lips with my finger, loving their softness beneath my skin. I took a deep breath before continuing.

"I'm not wearing this jacket because I'm cold. I didn't freak out about last night because it wasn't 'special.' I freaked out cause I was ashamed. Ashamed you'd see this..."

I slowly began drifting my jacket down my arms as Brittany watched with brows furrowed together in confusion. She was breathing heavily bellow me, her eyes wide and fixed on mine as I dragged my arm from the right sleeve but remained it over the left, knowing it was too late for second thought now. I had no turning back. This is were everything changes.

"Ashamed of wha-"

The jacket was dropped off the sheets and pooled on the ground beneath us. I was shaking I'm sure. But Brittany won't move her eyes from mine.

"Baby look at me" I pleaded, turning out my forearms to expose the withering dark mark decorating it.

"I am" she whispered rather too quickly with featr hinted in her voice, her eyes still glued on my face.

"No, look at me" I instructed, keeping my left arm out turned but reached out with my right to clutch behind her neck and guide her eyes downwards, only for her to squeeze them shut.

"I'm scared tana" she mumbled, shaking her head vigorously.

"But you said you _loved_ me" I sighed, dipping down to kiss her quickly before pulling back again with my fore arm still displayed in her view. "So look at me..."

Brittany let out a small whimper and squinted open her eyes, gasping as the full view of my arm was revealed to her for the first time.

Her hand shot out to grip my forearm, clutching the skin and rubbing her thumb over the mark to make sure it was real. Her jaw was slacked open but no words seemed to be formed. She was in shock.

Her eyes wouldn't move from my arm, as if some magnetic force had them attracted strongly to the mark. Who could blame her? What was she supposed to do when she found out that her girlfriend was a death eater?

I don't know how long the silence lasted before Brittany began babbling beneath me.

"S-san-tana?" She croaked, suddenly jolting her hand from my arm as if the black mark had burnt her fingertips. "S-san. Get off me"

Oh God. This isn't happening. I can't be rejected.

I numbly rolled off her body and sat crossed legged on the sheets, naked, as she shot up from the bed and hurried across the room into the ensuite bathroom; slamming the door behind her.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

She's been in the toilet half a hour now. I can hear her still snivelling like she has been for the whole time. I'm crying too. And nothing makes Santana Lopez cry.

I still say naked wrapped in the dampening sheets being as the only clothes the room had to offer was a tight dresses and high heels. I can't feel anything but numbness and the thumping of my heavy heart right now.

I dropped my head into my hands and screamed aloud with fustration. Reaching out for my want and sending a flash of light in no particular direction, shattering several pieces of China on the drawers and tables. Moments after my head was thrown into the pillow, the door to the bathroom is thrown open with a slam and I quickly rise again only to be hit by dizziness.

"So your a death eater?" Brittany shrugged from the doorway, her eyes blotchy and red with her tear stains still visible on her cheeks. She was still naked, but with a flick of her want and a mumble of a spell, her clothes were summoned into her hands.

I'd been a fool to think she'd be OK with this. How stupid was I to think I'd show her the mark, she'd accept me and tell me she loved me no matter what then we'd make sweet love for the first time. Of course that wouldn't happen.

By the time I looked up again, she was fully clothed and wearing the same shorts and boob tube top as last night. She looked as empty and drained as me.

"Yeah. Just know that it's not my choice. I didn't choose this." I clarified, pulling the thin sheets tighter around my body to keep away the fighting cold.

"Yeah I know. I just- I can't do this. I need some space Santana. I need to under stand this and get it into my head that your a FUCKING DEATH EATER!" she shouted in disgust.

"Shhhh!" I snapped, realizing there may be other people in rooms near by. But Brittany was already pacing towards the door.

"I don't care" she snapped groggily, swinging open to door to the silent corridor, the images still all asleep and not awoken by our arguing.

"A-are we still together?" I shouted but it was too late, the door had been slammed. Brittany had gone.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"_Crucio_" I growled, targeting the debt owing worker from the ministry, tilting my want to elect a fresh scream of agony from the blood ridden man. Doing deeds for the dark lord was always a good was to burn off stress. It pumped refreshing adrenaline through my bones and took out all my anger through violence. And I had enough anger to burn.

I'd been so angry since this morning. I'd spent the majority of the day sitting crying in the owlery, sending owls back and forth to other death eaters to try and get a understanding of any jobs I could get. Then belatrix replied with nothing but a name, a time and a place and I knew I was cut out for the night.

I'd spoke to no one since this morning. I walked alone and cold back to the castle, silent in the dorm as I changed into something warmer and refusing to answer anyone's questions of 'were is Brittany?' Or 'have you been crying?' I'm sure they will piece it together soon. I had stormed to the owlery and spent he whole day sobbing like a pussy against the wall, with only my pet bat as company. When I received the letter I was over joyed. Knowing I could release every darn emotion rushing through my head like wild fire. I could release all the pain Brittany had caused me.

Brittany. Just the name running through my head boils my blood with regret. My life was so perfect and I FUCKING RUINED IT!

"_Diffindo! Impedimenta! Obscuro! Reducto! Sectumsempra!"_ I screamed as many deadly curses and black magic enlighted from the tip of my wand in angst.

"Woah who fucked you up!" Belatrix laughed from behind me as I finally finished the life of my target with the killing curse.

"Ugh! It was nothing" I sighed, swiping my wand over my face to remove of my mask. "Just a break up"

"Aww what did he do?" She asked with a fake pout, approaching me and slipping her wand back into it's holder.

"He just got pissed that I wouldn't fuck him" I partially lied, swiftly making our way back to the floo with a few spells to rid of the evidence.

"Bummer. Did you think he was the one?"

Why did she care? We haven't spoke in years. Plus, I wish she'd stop saying he. She doesn't know I'm gay yet but her reaction probably would be something close to the one in my horribly disturbing dream.

"They are the one" I mumbled. "I'm sure of it"

brittany was the one. always will be.

**Hey so sorry this one was a little sort. Writers block is sucky... well please drop me a review, they make me so happy! Sorry if this was a little sad. I needed a plot! Haha. Well tell me what you think and I'll be back soon! Louise xx**


	5. year 6 three days after

**Hey thanks for reviews. Yeah Santana is a pretty insecure character... only Brittany made her secure. Thanks for your love here's the next part! :) song for this chap is closer by cauterize. **

We hadn't spoke since that day. I'm numb I guess. Three days ago I decided to reveal my secret to Brittany and now three says later, I'm alone. I've been so alone since. So alone and no ones noticed. I'm so touchy. So on edge and insecure.

"Santana!" A voice called sharply, snapping me from my trance of stalling with my morning cornflakes and sending the metal spoon clattering against the ceramic bowl. I groaned and lifted my head, finding a concerned looking Draco besides me. Where's he be lately? He wasn't even at the party...

"What's wrong Draco?" I sighed, picking up my spoon and shoveling a small amount of cereal onto the end to force myself to swallow. It made me feel sick. He scoffed.

"Everything is wrong!" He exclaimed, lowering his voice and edging close to me. "Look at you Santana. Your alone. No Brittany sucking your face off. No victorious smirk on your face. No army of friends. What the hell happened? Huh?"

I let out a long sigh and placed my spoon back into my half full bowl, pushing it away from me. I felt to weak and sick to eat. People were all watching us, but averted their eyes when our gazes met to begin whispering to one another. I leant closer to him to whisper into his ear, looking over at the hufflepuff table as I did so, watching Brittany in the exact Same state as me, picking at her food and alone.

"I told her what I am" I murmured, feeling a hot tear slip down my cheek that I'd been holding back a while now.

When our eyes met again, Draco looked petrified. His eyes were wide and his jaw dropped slightly in shock. He shook his head in disbelief a few times until he managed to form words again.

"So she didn't take it well?" He asked dumbly causing a loud scoff to slip my lips.

"Give you one wild guess..." I snapped back in a hushed tone, swinging my legs over the bench to stand.

"Where you going?" He stuttered, getting up aswell in his quiddich gear, snatching up a piece of fruit and taking a large bite as we made our way from the great hall. I didn't dare look back at Brittany. I couldn't handle it.

"Room of requirement. Fuck quiddich practice" I shrugged, stopping after we excited the grand double doors knowing our paths were parted.

"But your captain, we can't practice without you!" Draco moaned with a sigh and quick roll of the eyes. He always got annoyed with my ever changing moods.

"Then give the period to hufflepuff, Q's been dying to get the pitch to get Brittany back up to standard after the fall" I instructed, snaking my hand into my pocket and wrapping my fingers around my wand tightly, squeezing out my anger to the wooden rod.

Draco nodded understandingly and turned to head In the opposite direction with a short bye.

I'd discovered the room of requirement back in third year after I'd spent a innocent night of cuddling with Brittany only to be awoken to her complaining about it looking to lesbian now were getting older. I got so angry at that and just felt the need to get away somewhere personal, that I could be alone in. I wondered the corridors in the dark for hours that day, disguising my sobs until a ivy pattern began spreading over the wall to my left, forming a magical door ten feet high.

The first time I entered The room of requirement I found a bedroom. A normal, standard teenage girls bedroom. I suppose the fact it was so normal reassured me that I too am normal, Even though I had all these growing sexual and romantic desires towards my best friend.

I used that room to cry in for hours, letting myself break down entirely, quivering on the soft mattress and cuddling the stuffed toy to my chest. I felt so vulnerable that day.

The second time I used The room of requirement had been when I was angry. Purely angry at the world around me. That was the day that the news got spread that I'd been caught by non other than Artie Abrahams in the prefects bathroom, kissing Brittany as she bathed. Of course I was fully clothed, on the edge of the water with my scared ankles dangling in the warm suds. The whole school was whispering about me after he spread it to the schools gossips, Katie and Jacob. The whispering in my ears and the points and laughs were too much for me. I stormed into the room in a self centered rage, discovering a new layout to my previous visit.

The room was just a dark walled room with vine patterned wallpaper and large mirrors either end. Their were mechanical training dummies scattered around The room. For a few hours or so, I released my physical anger through dueling the dummies and blowing them to pieces in the most violent ways I knew. Then, afterwards, with a soft swoop of my wand; a large and sharp knife appeared in my hand. That was the first night I cut. All up my ankles. The second reason I don't let anyone see me naked. Although all the cuts healed a few months ago.

Only one person knows. And that's Quinn. She walked into the Room on the day I broke down in anger and found me bleeding and sobbing on the ground. Quinn was amazing to me, and I told her everything. That's why she's my best friend.

The third and most recent time I used The room of requirement was was after me and Brittany had been dating for two months. We needed somewhere to be alone and romantic. So that time the room was just a perfect red lit and cosy lounge. There was a comfortable blanketed couch decorated with cushions and a muggle television with a collection of famous muggle DVDs.

We slipped on a horror movie and snuggled up tightly together, exchanging kisses and cuddles throughout the scary film. I wasn't fazed by the horror but Brittany was petrified, meaning I got more tight snuggles.

But now I'm only in search of one of those rooms. The second room is firmly in my mind as I approach the corridor I know so well now. I want to destroy some more dummies. But it's so hard to focus my attention on only that with the last memory of the room of requirement in my mind. All I can focus on are the soft kisses and delicate caresses we exchange that night. The way her hair felt so silky under my fingers and the way her lips danced so magically across every area of my neck and face.

I took a deep sigh and paused before the now plain wall, pushing all those memories of Brittany from my mind and focusing on the thought of demolishing the mirrors and dummies. But it was so hard to think of only that.

"Reveal your secrets" I sighed with a point of my wand, giving up on summoning the room with only my thoughts.

Soon the pattern of roots and vines began spreading over the stone wall, creeping through the cracks and forming a quaint door in the centre.

I gave a short smile and entered the silent room, finding not exactly what I'd expected.

I didn't expect the room I needed least to appear. I didn't expect the room to cause me to drop to my knees in tears.

This was the thrid room of requirement not the seacond. The one with the romantic room, not the angry one.

The lounge like room was displayed with framed photos of me and Brittany from the last 6 months. The one that caught my eye was the largest of the frames, holding a moving image of me and Brittany holding eachother close. Then our eyes meet and we slowly lean in for a soft kiss, both of us sporting goofy grins. That was taken 4 months ago after the Yule ball. It was a amazing night. Dancing in the snow decorated great hall and partying hard until our feet and lips were sore.

Only the day after that picture was taken we spent the day in eachothers arms, mourning the death of tri wizard tournament contestant Blaine Anderson from gryffindor, a close friend of ours. There's a picture of him tacked to the mirror. His boyfriend Kurt was distraught.

Other images around the room sent my head into a spin. The minor alone was covered in moving pictures of memories. A cuddled picture of us sharing a scarf down hogsmead during the last Christmas holiday. A image of me celebrating slytherins win of the quidditch world cup with Brittany under my arm, kissing my cheek. A picture Quinn took of us during our vacation in the summer of Brittany and I with sun tan lotion squirted on our noses. Such cheesy images but didn't fail to make me sob uncontrollably.

Why, Why did this stupid room throw up this place when I feel as rubbish as I do now?

I think I sat crying in a fetal position on the ground for a hour or so, until I had no tears left to cry and my face was blotched with redness. I had managed to crawl onto the sofa and flicker on the mugged radio in the room. All it had to offer me was depressing songs so far until I finally heard a guitar riff, my favorite type of music.

But it made me so angry, the lyrics explaining my feeling made me scrunch my fists and cry out in angst.

She was the only one for me. The only one and I Destroyed it so easily. It was as easy as plying a wing from a graceful butterfly. And caused the regret and guilt too...

I thought I could trust her, I had trusted her with my life until now, I'd have died for her in a heartbeat. She knew I would. She knew She had me wrapped around her little finger...the little finger I used to curl mine around and kiss.

With a lazy roll of the sofa, I sit on the carpeted floor, snivelling. I lie back on the rug and run my fingers back through my hair, trying to control my breathing when I felt something sharp dig into my back so sit up suddenly, frowning in confusion and picking the flurry rug off the ground, peering underneath it and extending my hand to grasp hold of the blade. Oh God.

I pull the knife back and hold it up, admiring it. The way The red light reflects off it symbolizing blood draws me to slowly tug my left sleeve up, revealing the dirty mark.

It was as if the knife controlled my hand as I brought the sharp tip to my skin, slipping it over the mark and causing crimson to spill out from the blackness of the tattoo like image. It controls my hand as I slice a other then a other in a uneven pattern down my forearm.

It's so perfect to actually feel something again. I used to feel pride, love, joy and happiness. It's perfect to feel something on my skin again. I miss having someone touch me and caress and kiss me. So the caress of the knife stops my breathing for a moment allowing me to whimper.

Blood began dribbling down my wrist and curving through the creases in my skin, tangling around my fingers and flooding the base of my fingernails.

The world begins to zone out around me. My head spins and I smile, feeling the pain slowly drift away into nothingness. It feels good.

My head rolls back and relaxes against the sofa, turning my head weakly to one side and watching through tired eyes as the door is pushed open and a blurred figure walks in, letting out a cry. It feels like I've took drugs or something. I find it funny... maybe I'M passing out?

"Oh gosh Santana, not again honey..." Quinn sighs as she walks across the room towards me, crouching down infront of me and brushing my hair from my face.

"H-hey quinny" I sigh, falling into her open arms. She brushes her fingers through my hair and sooth me, running her slim fingers up and down my back making me giggle because it tickles.

"Shhh Santana...Brittany told me everything. Don't be alarmed. I won't say anything and she knows that. She was worried when she saw you this morning and so was I. We said you looked ill. So when Draco says you've gave us your quiddich time...we worried. I came looking for you" she explained, tangling her fingers in me weave and using her thumb to wipe away the blood over the dark mark.

It came a shock knowing Quinn now knew everything too and I was mad at Brittany for telling her such a drastic secret but I'M secretly thankful that I now have someone else to talk to.

She sighs and kisses my head, moving to crouch directly infront of me, cupping my cheek so my head doesn't droop. It feels so good to be touched again.

"You hate being like this don't You?" She shrugs, keeping her thumb over my cuts, stroking the stinging slits with her thumb. I wince, so she pulls away and wipes the blood on her gowns. "Sorry..."

I give a small nod to her question and look forward into her greeny-blue eyes, smiling to myself. They look like brittanys. "I hate it..." I mumble, letting my gaze drop to her thin, kissable lips. they looked just like brittanys too.

My head is still spinning when I reach out and touch Quinn's neck softly, my head all over the place. She gives a small, sympathetic smile.

"I know how hard it must be San..."

"...shhh" I tell her, sitting up from my slouched position to bring my face close to hers. She smells like Brittany too.

I move my lips close to hers and she remains stiff with shock, breathing heavily as I fall forward and press a sloppy kiss to her lips before I fall to the side and darkness suddenly washes over my vision.

**Haha sorry I've been away so long...writers block and been working on other stories...so sorry and thanks for actually reading. Sorry it's so much drama...that's how I write.. :p Thank you! Louise x **


End file.
